I find myself strangely shaken by the absence of our two boys. It started on the drive to the airport after we dropped Will off at Kenyon in Gambier, Ohio (where?). It had been bucketing down the whole day before as we unloaded his stuff and settled him into his room. The rain threw itself against his dorm room windows as I tucked in sheets and folded duvets. The wind rattled the frames while David, Will and I stared at his roommate (perfectly nice boy) while he hung a massive American flag over his bed. The sky stayed resolutely heavy and gray all through our jolly dinner on a porch already wet with the day’s weather.
>Home
I have been on the Cape for a week. It is the only constant in our lives.
After 16 years in London we are moving back to America. Or not. Both my sons will be in college by September, my daughter will be in eighth grade. But where? If my husband finds a job in London, to replace the old job in London, we will stay. Or not. If he finds a job in Boston, we will move. Or not. I am a gifted juggler: kids, house, school, writing, chainsaws, bowling balls, random fruit. But this? Stay, go, England, America, Library Science degree, novel. I am usually the commando commit girl. See it, size it up, do. This change changed me. I don’t know what scares me more; making a decision or floating in this limbo until I forfeit the right to make the decision at all.